Football Federation Australia have announced that they’re deep in negotiations with major Australian airliners to release chemicals into the skies over Australia’s capital cities in a bid to sooth a football fanbase angered by the inconsistent Video Assistant Referee (VAR) system used during Hyundai A-League matches.
“The VAR system is a marvel of modern technology, however we understand that all change can bring with it teething issues which can cause concern amongst supporters,” FFA said in a statement released late Wednesday. “To put Australian football fans’ minds at ease while the VAR is in this stage of refinement, we have asked Australian airliners to add hallucinogenic and anti-psychosis drugs to the chemtrails they already spread during their daily routes.”
Professor Henry J. Husk from the University of South Canberra told FMF that while forcibly making the population ingest large quantities of mind-altering drugs may sound like an extreme option, it’s better than the alternatives.
“Other regions of the world like Europe and South America would simply fire tear gas into crowds of civilians in order to pacify them. But unlike those regions, Australia is a first world country, so we have to consider more humane alternatives,” Husk said.
“Australia is a country which already uses chemicals to induce a state of blissful euphoria – just ask anyone that drinks alcohol – so adding another couple to the mix is a far easier solution.”