Have you ever worried about just how utterly small your penis is? It’s something that many of us struggle with on a daily basis, particularly when playing sports.

I’m sure a lot of you sometimes wonder whether your penis is actually a thumb that started growing in the wrong place because your mum smoked while pregnant. You are not alone.

Luckily for tiny-penised people like you and I, Nike have come out with a range of extremely bright pink fluoro football boots which almost completely distract people from the fact that you have an extremely, dangerously miniature penis.

Dave Baxter, an avid wearer of bright pink boots, tells For Modern Football about how they have changed his life.

“When I walk out on to that pitch each weekend, everyone is so busy marveling at just how bright my boots are they don’t even notice that I struggle to pleasure my partner in the bedroom.”

“Not to mention, now I even wear my pink Nikes while having sex.”