It’s that time of season where Sydney FC and Western Sydney Wanderers face off (quite literally) to see who will walk away as winners, and who will be spamming the #RefsFault hashtag on social media.

With a sellout crowd expected to make their way through the gates at Allianz Stadium, here are five things you should keep an eye out for either at the ground, or on TV.

Security komodo dragon

NSW Police and stadium security told the media this week they would be enlisting the assistance of special police units which use the giant reptiles as ‘pre-emptive response units’. Watch out for these monstrous beasts at predicted flash points like the entrance and active bays.

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Discussions about NRL

During the game’s ‘tactical’ (i.e. boring) moments, you may overhear conversation to turn to the upcoming NRL season, several games of which will be played at Allianz Stadium. You can expect to hear about how good the game will look on the giant screens, which players should fuck off back to their old club and how it’ll be good to not think about football for a few months.

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Idiots walking in front of your car as you’re trying to park at Moore Park

Seriously? Just wait 30 seconds, arsehole.

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Flares

Let’s face it, there will be flares. Despite all the warnings and threats of point deductions, research shows if you don’t rip flares you’re not a real football fan. So go on, rip one. You don’t want to look weak in front of your mates. Think of how powerful you’ll feel with that pulsing, thick, turgid shaft throbbing in your hand. #NoPyroNoParty right?

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Football

Yes, it’s true, there may actually be a game of football played. But it probably won’t be very good and even if it is, you’ll be too busy queuing for Jim Beam and hot chips to watch it.

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