With the World Cup looming, FIFA are set to announce a secondary World Cup competition to be held in Brazil: the 2014 Kitten World Cup. A FIFA insider, speaking on condition of anonymity told us, “Here at FIFA we think actively about developing the world game. That is why we want to make full use of the hype surrounding Brazil 2014 and introduce the first official cat football world tournament. I own a cat, and like many others I have always wanted to make use of cat’s natural football abilities. FIFA will fully endorse the ‘cat fair play’, expected by every kitten footballer competing in Brazil.”
It’s suspected that FIFA wouldn’t have gone ahead with this radical plan if it weren’t for the huge success of Animal Planet’s breakthrough sporting series Puppy Bowl. With FIFA on the bleeding edge of sports/fan engagement, analysts predict the spectacle of kittens patting around small footballs will lead to billions in revenue for the governing body.
Cat ladies globally have reacted positively to the news, with the International Feline Overappreciation Society releasing a statement saying this initiative is long overdue.
“For years we have argued that humans have neglected the footballing abilities of cats. This football tournament will put cats on the global stage – where they belong – and show that mere humans cannot match a feline’s poise and grace.”
Australia’s feline football team – dubbed the “Meowtildas” – are coached by Surry Hills local Catherine Pawarse, who spoke exclusively to FMF about the team’s chances in Brazil.
“Australian cats have far greater technical ability then Tom Rogic, Ivan Franjic or Tim Cahill could ever dream of. They play with balls of wool all day, for goodness sake!”
Pawarse and the countless cat ladies/dudes across the country have been preparing the Meowtildas by running them through vigorous training camps mainly held in the bathroom of Josep Gombau’s Adelaide home. The Adelaide United coach was chosen to conduct the cat talent display as he possesses one of the most cat-like goalkeepers in the A-League; unsurprisingly, the cat dubbed ‘Meowgene’ impressed him the most.
Pawarse and Gombau are bullish about Australia’s chances. “Some people say ‘Don’t have a World Cup for cats.’ I say they must be on crack. This is the best chance we have for Australia winning a trophy,” Gombau stressed to our Adelaide FMF correspondent.
Like their human counterparts, Australia’s feline team will play Spain, the Netherlands and Chile in the tournament.
FMF columnist David Palmer argued the competition had the potential to forever change the global football landscape.
“I can see this as a revolution for Australian football. Here at FMF we want football to embrace everyone animal in time, so cats are just the beginning.” The Meowtildas have a lot to live up to and are expected to bring home silverware, hopefully easing the pressure on the Socceroos.”
FMF will be using the #Meowtildas hashtag throughout the Brazil World Cup to show our support to Australia’s newest heroes.